Oh well.

No cooking show for me. It went to another chef. Time for brooding and eating lots of bad Chinese food until I feel better.

The Veggies in the Crisper are Rotten

My apologies for being such a negligent food blogger of late. The past month has been rife with strife, which I won't bore you with here. I'm getting back on track and have food tales and recipes to share soon.

In the meantime, here's a reposting from my personal blog regarding my audition for a cooking show pilot earlier this week. Enjoy, and I'll be back soon with new recipes. Promise.

Poppymom is your new American Idol!

Wait, no. That's not the show I auditioned for. That would require that I not be four years over the age limit with a voice that makes William Hung sound, well, he still sounds like shit. And so do I.

No, I didn't audition for American Idol yesterday. I auditioned for an as-yet-untitled cooking show.

I used to work in video production, but since it was in the university/education spectrum, I didn't have to deal much with on-air talent. Arrogant professors were more my speed. So the audition process was all new to me. And we all know that I'm so not a TV on-camera type. But what the hey?

The show's focus is aphrodisiac foods, but the producers want to avoid the cheez factor. They're taping four episodes and bonus footage next month, then they'll try to sell the show with an option for more episodes to cable networks. If they don't sell it to a US network, then they'll try to market it overseas. Regardless, they'll definitely be packaging the four episodes and extra footage as a DVD.

One of the producers mentioned that the previous chefs who've auditioned have done things like stir fries and such, and didn't use the entire 30 minutes. Did a little research on the topic and developed three recipes that would fit into the basis of the show. The dishes: avocado bruschetta with jalapenos, lime and toasted pepitas, shrimp salad with basil-lime vinaigrette on arugula, and for dessert strawberries and mangos with a cocoa cream.

I don't want to discuss this in detail, but suffice it to say that we're having some financial difficulties right now. Enough so that I emailed the producer on Wednesday to cancel my audition because I didn't want to spend the money on my supplies. The email, much like the check we wrote to my mom, bounced. I was stuck with the audition. Not wanting to dip into our meager family funds, I gathered all the spare change in the house and my truck and cashed it in to buy my supplies.

(If I get this part and the show becomes a huge sensation, the story of my broke ass is so gonna rock the house when I'm on Oprah. Martha Stewart's early divorce ain't got nothing on me, the Coinstar Queen of Cuisine.)

For someone with an anxiety disorder who's broke and about to appear before a live studio audience for the first time, I was surprisingly calm. During the drive to the studio I thought, "Wait a minute! I'm supposed to be nervous!" So I spent thirty seconds being nervous and got it out of my system.

I auditioned for three producers. Very friendly, relaxed folks, which kept my nerves at bay. They mic'ed me, lit me and set the camera rolling. And I cooked. I chopped and whisked and stirred and plated and garnished and talked without a script or an outline for half an hour. And everything went fine. I forgot to bring the champagne vinegar for the shirmp salad vinaigrette, which I didn't realize until I reached for the bottle that wasn't there. So, I just grabbed a spare lime and changed without a problem.

After the audition the producers heaped compliments on me. They said that my teaching background was obvious and that my cooking skills/techniques were excellent. They were also impressed that I have a food writing background. The four pilot episodes are mostly written, but they liked that I'll be able to contribute to the existing scripts and any future scripts. My former life as a video producer came in handy, too. They liked that I could hold my own in discussions about production values, set-building, etc.

And probably most importantly, they loved the food. The avocado bruschetta was a huge hit.

The only thing I'm worried about - and they didn't say anything to imply that this is an issue - I just hope they don't have issues with working with a fat girl. That's honestly the only thing I can see that wasn't right with my audition.

I was the last chef to audition. It's between me and four others. The producers are watching the tapes and making their decision today and I should know by Monday. I know I'll be a little disappointed if I don't get it, but I'm really glad that I took the leap and auditioned. It was a lot of fun and such a cool experience, one of those once-in-a-lifetime things.

So, cross some fingers for me and tell Simon to go easy on me.

Recipe archive

I've added a small archive of my recipes on the sidebar. Any of my recipes that I mention in blog posts will eventually find their way to the archive. For now, it's just tossed in alphabetical order. As the archive grows, I'll split it into categories.

It's another catering day. Well, Part 1 of catering day. I'll be shopping for ingredients today and cooking into the late hours of the evening. Tomorrow will be finishing touches and delivery. The menu:

Dijon Chicken
Lemon Poppyseed Noodles
Spinach Salad

I'll post the salad recipe once I decide exactly what I'm going to do with it. A lot depends on what looks decent when I go produce-shopping. As for the other recipes, I always feel guilty when I use someone else's recipes. Look for some rambling about the difference between writing a recipe and executing a recipe sometime later.

Oh, and if you would, please be a peach and click on the Google ads on the sidebar when you get a few spare seconds. I would appreciate it a whole bunch.

Trade Secrets - Jan. 10, 2005

I have a standing weekly catering gig, and I'll try to post about it every Tuesday. I do meals-to-go. There's a set menu, picked by me. People place their orders and I deliver the chow on Tuesdays.

This week's menu:
Rosemary Pork Loin Chops
Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Broccoli Salad
# of servings: 27

Normally I would use a whole pork loin for catering, but this week I had a coupon for $4 off 7.5-lb. packages of pork loin chops at Costco I like having control over how the loin is sliced, but these chops were absolutely gorgeous and I had no qualms about buying they. They were easily an inch and a half thick with the perfect amount of fat on the edges.

I seasoned the chops with Kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper, then pan-seared them in olive oil. From there I transfered them to foil-lined baking sheets, topped each chop with about a 1/2 tablespoon of rosemary butter (two sticks unsalted butter, one .8-oz. jar dried Spanish rosemary and some Kosher salt), and roasted them at 400 degrees for 30 minutes.

For the 27 servings I boiled 10 pounds of Butter Gold potatoes with a few tablespoons of salt. Once cooked and drained, I added the leftover rosemary butter along with a stick and a half of regular butter and about 12 ounces of half and half. In preparing the potatoes I waited until the pork chops had been out of the oven and resting for about 30 minutes, which allowed some of the pork's juices to accumulate. I added that juice to the potatoes. Great flavor, and makes for lush, rich potatoes that don't need gravy.

I created the broccoli salad recipe based on something my mother-in-law makes. Her salad is the classic broccoli salad with a mayo-based dressing, raisins, cheese and bacon. I had a variation recently at Sweet Tomatoes that omitted the bacon and added cashews. I loved the sweet/salty/crunchy combo, but I'm not wild about mayo-based dressings. So, I devised the sweet & sour vinaigrette recipe that's linked above.

The Rachel Ray Conundrum

I'm currently reading $40 a Day: Best Eats in Town by Rachel Ray and I'm once again perplexed by her.

I wobble between really enjoying Rachel, and absolutely wanting to yank my hair out anytime I'm exposed to anything by her. So conflicted that I wind up being too queasy to eat, which is never a good thing. So, I've decided to put together my Rachel Ray Pros and Cons.

Pro
Most of her recipes are pretty darn good, and I've had a high success rate with them.

Con
Quite a few of her recipes are basic common sense and not terribly original.

Pro
She's got that great girl-next-door quality that makes it easy to relate to her.

Con
That ultra-creepy cheesecake spread (and I ain't talking about the kind with a graham cracker crust) she did for FHM magazine. Yeah, I'm a feminist, but cheesecake photos generally don't bother me. I just think most of them are, well, cheesy. But there's something about Rachel sucking on a strawberry that just makes me feel like I need to bathe. And not with a colander in a kitchen sink, either.

Pro
She does seem to have a sweet personality, and I'd probably enjoy hanging out with her.

Con
I'd probably hang out with her for about a week before I got fed up with all the excessive enthusiasm and I'd have to stop taking her phone calls.

Pro
On her shows and books, she appears very down-to-earth.

Con
There's a fine line between down-to-earth and embarrassingly dorky. And I say this as someone who's friends with people who've been known to do silly dances for unsuspecting people in the pick-up area at the airport. That doesn't embarrass me.

Pro
She's always appreciative of her family, friends and crew. They're often acknowledged in her books and on her shows.

Con
Pages and pages and pages of gushing at the front of her books. It's like reading the stuff scrawled in someone's high school yearbook.

Help me out here. What do you think of Rachel? And why can't I look away anytime I hit one of her shows? Even that God-awful one where she fawns over second-tier celebrities?

Talking to strangers

I think I might have frightened one of my fellow shoppers at Trader Joes this afternoon. I was picking out some prosciutto and fresh pizza dough, and she was examining the packages of smoked salmon. She was mumbling to herself about not knowing what kind of salmon to buy, so I piped up and asked what she was making.

Smoked salmon with Boursin cheese on cucumber rounds. Sounds pretty yummy. And since no one asked for my opinion, I mentioned that she might consider trading her Boursin for ... I can't remember the name of it, but I'll come back and post it later. It's a yummy fresh, soft cheese with garlic and chives. I used it in the ham & garlic cheese grits I made for brunch last week. Bingham Hill Fresh & Simple in garlic chive.

She then asked what kind of smoked salmon I recommended. I suggested the wild Alaskan Coho.

"Have you tried it?" she asked.

"Not this in particular, but I know it'll work." She glared at me. "Um, I cook. Professionally," I said.

I then underwent a pop quiz on the differences between the kinds of smoked salmon in the case. I should have given her my business card.

Or, maybe from now on, when I go grocery shopping, I'll wear tights, a cape and a leotard with two giant letters Gs on the chest. I will become "The Great Grocer!"

A chubby and humble mom in the rest of the world, but once she walks through the automatic doors, she becomes ... da da da DA! ... The Great Grocer! She sautes! She bastes! She knows the difference between Black Mission and Calimyrna figs! Able to flip an omelet in a single toss of her pan! Friend to all who fear the flame!

Or maybe I should just lay back on the unsolicited advice.

Sunday brunch - and nobody lost an eye

A few months ago, after reading Endangered Recipes by Lari Robbling, I got the idea to start hosting the occasional Sunday afternoon dinner party, like the ones my family used to host years ago. With a 10-month-old running the show around here, the regular booze-filled evening parties are a bit harder to throw. These afternoon soirees, kid-friendly and casual, have been a great way to slow down the everyday rush and spend some time with interesting people and chow.

To usher in the new year, we did a brunch menu for Sunday dinner last week. I love doing brunch, because it's deceptively easy. Most of the recipes I used can be made in advance. The menu:

Ham & Garlic Cheese Grits This is a variation of a recipe from a friend of mine in Louisiana. Same technique, but with some changes in ingredients. You can start this one the night before. Do everything except bake it. About an hour before serving, throw it in the oven.

Sausage and Mushroom Strata This one definitely benefits from sitting overnight before baking. Again, do everything except the baking the night before.

Gingered Berries & Yogurt. The longer the berries sit in the ginger syrup, the more complex the flavor. Serve the berries and yogurt seperately and let your guests combine the two to their own tastes. Don't skimp on the yogurt. You can have some of the fat-free stuff, but when you're having a meal that includes booze for breakfast, you might as well splurge on really rich yogurt. I like Oberweis and Brown Cow.

Frittata This is a basic frittata that works with any number of fillings. I made it with frozen spinach, frozen artichoke hearts, feta cheese and Parmesean. This needs to be made right before serving, but as long as you prepare all the ingredients in advance, it's really quick and easy.

For beverages, of course there were mimosas. I managed to inadvertantly send the plastic cork from a $5 bottle of champagne rocketing through the crowd, and my Basset hound, Chloe, got a little tipsy when one of the guests offered her a sip. Don't give your dog alcohol. Don't let others give you dog alcohol. But if it happens, well, it's pretty funny.

I'm not a fan of sit-down meals, mainly because my house is too damn small for them. I always set up the food buffet-style and I don't have a problem with people eating in my living room. The way I figure, furniture cleans. I'm all about comfort and hominess. And, of course, drunken hound dogs.